How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely
and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the
party of  the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be
removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously
agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from
the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside
the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any
spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part
(Light Bulb)  and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
limited to, the  following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means
of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate
the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said
direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to
maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon
duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that
structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental
to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar
as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional
codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer)
throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the
party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the
party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party
of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a
manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of
this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the
party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by
his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the
objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of
commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."